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Do you need to laugh... well, hopefully these will help you!
Bumper Stickers!!
All generalizations are false, including this one.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: We've got
what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial
Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a
"free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough
youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever
stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Always
remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Eschew
obfuscation.
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Careful when you wish
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready
yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want
to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And
what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy,"
replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent
an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other
one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
Is the wife in control?
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men
that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the
women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The
line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.
God
got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be
the only one on that line?
The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
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